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A ripple travelled over the buttcheek like a tsunami across a bay. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!  When did that happen? When did my smashing size 10 butt become flabby and -- dare I whisper it? -- droopy? "When you decided to eat all the cheese and not bother going running!" snarked the mean but honest little voice in [...]

Does your "to do" list always look like that snake that's eating itself? Ouroboros?  Never-ending and consuming your time, energy, and money? You're not the only one. I'd wager that 90% of small business owners are slowly consuming themselves. Not literally, but the seconds and minutes and days of your lives. All smashing constantly into [...]

A mysterious package. What could it be? Addressed to: Vicky Clown face Fraser.  With no clues as to sender. It's obviously from someone who knows me well... because inside my mysterious package is a halloumi-making kit and frankly that's brilliant. This isn't a completely random gift, mind. It's my birthday today. So somebody has sent [...]

Put your business condom on today

MY EYES! MY EEEEEYYYYYYEEEEEESSSSS! Yep: I was out watching the solar eclipse and decided to use a puddle. Because for a smart person, I can be terribly stupid at times.  So I burned holes in my retinas. Or, at least, that's what it felt like... Remember the solar eclipse of 2015? Me too. It's burned [...]

The stinking circle-jerk of doom

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! OH YESSSSSSSS!" Behold the sound of a bazillion wannabes having a little moment over the latest guru pronouncements on InstaBookApp.  They stare, transfixed, at a copied-and-pasted quote lovingly overlaid on a pretty background and get a little hit of happiness. It feels just like doing something. Plus, they've killed another five minutes not actually [...]

Last night's dirty dishes have never looked so attractive. Admit it: you want to get in there with them and roll around, you minx. Anything rather than start the thing you're supposed to be doing, right? I hear ya. And guess what? It's not doing the work that's hard. It's starting the work. There are [...]

Grumpy bitch + internet herpes = rage

"Just because you are unique does not mean you are useful." "Failure: when your best just isn't good enough." "Believe in yourself, because the rest of us think you're an idiot." Sorrynotsorry. These demotivational quotes make me snort with unladylike laughter every time I read them, because they're about as useful as those wanky memes [...]

How to avoid a soggy death

Tears running down his cheeks, George threw himself into the frozen river and died a soggy, lonely death. Which was a bloody waste. See, he didn't think he'd amounted to anything. Nobody cared. Boo-fucking-hoo.  Well, he was wrong. The whole world fell apart without him. People’s lives were worse. Next time you're throwing yourself a [...]

One-way ticket outta baked-beans-ville

When's the last time you did something brand new? Exciting? Scary?   If you can't remember, may I not-so-respectfully suggest you get off your arse and experience something new? I'm feeling pretty smug this week, because it's been an action-packed few days for me. Flying to Cleveland on my own, getting myself to a suburb [...]

The secret horse-race marketing plan

The horses thundered past, ears pricked, manes and tails streaming out, and the little two-wheeled bikes bouncing along the track behind them. I'd never been harness racing before, so last night was a first.  Another first was standing next to Dan Kennedy as he explained the ins and outs of harness racing. Yep: Name drop [...]

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