If your name’s not on the list, you’re not getting in…

Greetings!

I am Vicky, copywriter based on Mars!  

Cartoon woman , looking distressed, being bombarded by 7 red envelopes

Why use a scattergun approach to email marketing? You get much better results if you build a list of interested clients.

You have a new website domain, but as yet your website is not up and running! Let us help you! We are a web developer, and web app maker, and we can help!

Which is what I’ve been greeted with all weekend – and then a big pile of dross this morning because they must have all just woken up to Monday.

Wow, Mondays just get better and better!

If you’re scratching your head and wondering if I’ve been eaten by a spambot, don’t worry. I haven’t.

The other weekend I was getting my new training course domain up and running, in preparation for my Write Your Book in 90 Days course, which is already producing great results by the way! And when you get a new website domain, it’s the signal for all the terrible marketers in the world to come out of the woodwork and spam me into orbit.

Honestly, this is the latest one – spot all the things that are wrong with it:

Hello Vicky Fraser,

Hope my email finds you in best health.

We are a California, United States based leading website and mobile app development company and want to discuss a business opportunity with you.

We provide a range of services that include iPhone app development, Android app, Windows app, Logo design, Website Design & Development, E-Commerce Websites, Web Portal Design, Custom Programming, Hosting, Brochures, Business Cards, PHP Website.

We create user friendly websites that allows you to update your website yourself. Just ask about Content Management Systems (CMS) Get your own app build and hosted on App Store & Google Play!!!

We execute website & mobile based solution on a white label basis for you at a much lowest cost. We have a 3 tier Quality Check system, so there is no compromise on quality.

Do let me know if you are willing to discuss a possible app development, Re-designing/ Redevelopment of your website or want a new website then please send your complete requirement and we will share our proposal with feature list, our portfolio and packages.

Kind Regrads,

Jayden Garcia

Oh Jayden, let me count the ways your email is crap (off the top of my head):

  • You’ve started almost every sentence with ‘we’
  • You’ve randomly capitalised normal nouns
  • You’ve told me about all sorts of things I’m not remotely interested in
  • Your use of multiple exclamation marks makes you look like a psychopath
  • You’re offering me the “much lowest cost” but with “no compromise on quality”
  • You gave me a Gmail address to reply to, the true sign of professionalism

Now, before you start wailing and moaning at me that Jayden isn’t a native English speaker, you’re probably right. But that’s no excuse for this type of email because I see native English-speaking business owners writing almost identical emails and sales letters and websites every single day. (Plus, it’s my experience that those who learn English as a second language often write it better than many native speakers.)

It’s all about him and the “business opportunity” he has (to fleece me with a shit website, more than likely). He has no clue what I might want and need, and although he does ask me to send him my complete requirement at the end, he’s already bored me to tears with his talk of apps and PHP. I’m probably never going to want an app, and I only have the vaguest idea what PHP is, so that turned me off instantly.

Thing is, I had so many of these over the few days after setting up my new domain, that I guess they must get some replies from some cheap-ass business owners who are willing to sacrifice quality and service for bargain-basement prices.

But it’s a somewhat depressing way to try to win business.

Wouldn’t you much rather build a tribe of people who want to hear from you, who want to buy from you, and who are loyal?

Well, one great way to do that is to write your book!

And that’s something you can do. Really. I can help.

Have a look at the book I wrote, Business For Superheroesthen start planning your own. What have you got to lose?

 

TTFN,

Vicky

Vicky Fraser is a copywriter, author, and entrepreneur. She really did run away with the circus… but when she’s not swinging from a trapeze, she’s showing other copywriters and small business owners how to work with better clients, make more money, and stop missing bathtimes, first words, and dinners with angry partners. In fact, she wrote the book on it. Get your copy here.

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