Well, do ya? Do ya have bouncebackability? Or how about this – I read this in an email the other day and immediately loved it – are you unfuckwithable?
Two of my favourite words.
Because if you want to run a successful business, you definitely need bouncebackability. If you put yourself out there, put your heart and soul and feels into everything you do, you are going to piss some people off. Most of those people will quietly unsubscribe or back away because they’re not shitheads… but some of them are shitheads and will feel the need to send you abusive messages (I’ll share one with you sometime, that I received just a couple of weeks ago from a lunatic).
When you get those horrible messages – and they are horrible – you’ll probably feel like crap. Despite the fact that we all know that nobody can make you feel like crap without your permission, and despite the fact that these shitheads don’t matter a jot, it still gets to us. Right?
There’s a secret, though. Because I’ve discovered that – for me at least – it’s not possible to just let the odd awful person slide right off without affecting me. It isn’t. And guess what? There’s nothing wrong with that. Some of us have more feelings than others and that’s okay. In fact, it’s good.
The secret is: acknowledge it. Let it bother you for a little while – half an hour or so. Even have a little cry if you like (I do). Then, MOVE ON. Because they’re not worth your time.
I’ll tell you another little secret, too. Tell someone you trust about it. Show them the email or letter or whatever. Tell them how it’s made you feel. Because the shitty email I got a few weeks ago, I held onto. I was dead chuffed with my reaction because I knew the person who sent it has… issues. I replied calmly and politely and removed them from my email list. I knew it was his problem, not mine.
But then, a few days later – on Christmas Eve, in fact – I noticed that he’d started publicly slagging me off on LinkedIn and that did hurt. It made me question myself. And it festered. Until I told Joe about it. As soon as I said it out loud I realised I was being daft letting him get to me like that, and Joe reassured me that it was entirely his problem.
He also reminded me of something else important: that he is one tiny voice in a sea of many, many people who’ve told me how much I’ve helped, or encouraged, or inspired. He’s right. Our brains are amazing, but they’re also stupid. They focus on the problem, the negative, the upsetting – which is fine if that problem is a sabre-toothed tiger in a bush wanting to eat you. It’s not so fine if the problem is someone being mean to you.
This, my friend, is why bouncebackability is so very important. It’s also why it’s important to be unfuckwithable (thanks to Ash Ambirge at The Middle Finger Project for that word).
Be strong. Be kind. Be unfuckwithable.
And buy my book here…
Vicky Fraser is a copywriter, author, and entrepreneur. She really did run away with the circus… but when she’s not swinging from a trapeze, she’s showing other copywriters and small business owners how to work with better clients, make more money, and stop missing bathtimes, first words, and dinners with angry partners. In fact, she wrote the book on it. Get your copy here.