Would you say that to someone you loved?

“I’m an idiot.”

“I’m stupid.”

“I’m so lazy – I’m not getting enough done!” 

Sunset and two hands making the shape of a heart

We say things to ourselves we’d never say to other people. Show yourself some love!

“I’m boring.”

“I’m fat.”

“I’m ugly.”

“I’m weak.”

I’m not good enough.”

We say awful things to ourselves, all the time. Things we’d never say to someone we loved. So why do we do it?

Why do we treat ourselves so badly?

This kind of self-talk hurts. It hurts in all kinds of little ways, without us even realising it – because we’re saying it to ourselves, we discount it. Make it less than if someone else said it to us. But the constant digs and jibes erode our sense of who we are, and gradually dismantle our sense of worthiness.

It’s easy to advise to people to ignore those who are nasty to them. It’s easy to suggest that you can choose which feedback to listen to: the good stuff or the bad stuff. It’s even fairly easy to do.

But what do you do when the person being nasty to yourself is you?

Not quite so easy, because no matter where you go, there you are! Instead, I’d like to suggest this: every time you catch yourself thinking or saying something unpleasant about yourself, stop and examine it. Really think about whether what you’re about to say is true (hint: it almost certainly isn’t).

Ask yourself what you’d think if someone else said it to you. And what you’d think of yourself if you spoke to someone else like that.

We say awful things to ourselves, and we need to stop.

Instead, let’s start praising ourselves. When we’ve achieved something, no matter how small. When our hair looks great. When we’ve just risen above something unpleasant someone else has said. When we’ve said “no” to one thing so we can say “yes” to something else.

Let’s change those awful things into good ones:

“I’m well-educated.”

“I’m a critical thinker.”

“I’ve worked really hard today and got loads done.”

“I look great today.”

“I know some interesting stuff and people like to hear from me.”

“My body is strong.”

“I am strong.”

I am enough.”



Vicky Fraser is a copywriter, author, and entrepreneur. She really did run away with the circus… but when she’s not swinging from a trapeze, she’s showing other copywriters and small business owners how to work with better clients, make more money, and stop missing bathtimes, first words, and dinners with angry partners. In fact, she wrote the book on it. Get your copy here.

PS I’m in the planning stages of a new book about confidence, shame, and expectations. I’m working on it with someone else, and it’ll bring lots of people together, I hope. If this is a book you’d be interested in reading,please click here and let me know. I’ll put you on the priority notification list, and as soon as it’s ready, you’ll be the first to know.

In the meantime, I do touch on some of this stuff in my first book, Business For Superheroes. That one will help you grow your business – if you let it 🙂

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