The beige business suicide squad

"Nice milkbottles, four-eyes! Are you blind?" Much of my childhood consisted of hiding from that kind of shit. To the extent where wearing my glasses in public still causes me an almost physical pain. And that was just the start of it... because standing out at school is baaaaaaad news, right? Right. We're hardwired to [...]

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Everyone's out to get me! There's nothing I can do to bring in more sales!"  ORLY? You don't have to be an accountant with a sniper rifle to get on in life. But it helps. So I was watching the film The Accountant on the plane on the way to Cleveland yesterday, and -- [...]

Glass people don’t have moneygasms

As 15 people have orgasms right in front of my eyes, I giggle and take another sip of gin. Have you seen Amélie? If I had to choose a single favourite film, that'd be it. That, or The Day After Tomorrow. And the orgasm scene always makes me chuckle... but that's not why I love [...]

Inside every goat is an octopus pulling levers. Goats are landing craft for octopodes. Just look at their eyes: goats and octopodes have the same eyes.  An octopus is a smart mollusc... it can reason, it can open jars, it can solve puzzles... it's entirely possible it could control a goat from the inside. And, [...]

Smuggling chickens in Botswana

You know when you put a group of people in a room together and they instantly get on? That happened last night. I'm up Derbyshire with Joe and a very small but select group of my Superheroes -- they'd never met before, and we all got on like a group of people with gin and [...]

Cheerleading in the shower

Just as I think about you in the shower, it seems I'm often the last thing my Superheroes think about before they go to bed. And obviously, I love that. But not as much as I love seeing them get unstuck.  Like Kathryn, who sent this email -- totally unprovoked -- to her list: "Thankfully [...]