comfort zone

All-you-can-eat marketing kills profits

Twitchy nose. Big ears. Huge eyes. Long slinky tail. Wait a minute! That's not a bird.  That's a wood mouse performing daring acrobatic feats to get to and from the peanut feeder. In fact, he looks kinda like he's performing on the flying trapeze: climb a twig, wave it from side to side to build [...]

Heart stops. Mouth goes dry. Every hair stands up to attention. And I do my best meerkat impression. WTF? Where is that coming from?   Somewhere on this train carriage, someone is listening to my bloody podcast! Goodness. Is this what famous people feel like? Then I gave myself a mental slap and started looking [...]

The crazy hoarder guide to business

Ripe, juicy strawberries... in my face. That's what I'm thinking about today. Because any day now, 10 strawberry runners are going to arrive at The Dingle and I'm all prepared.  Yesterday, Joe and I tackled the tremendous pile of rubble and crap in the courtyard -- all the old attic floorboards and beams and assorted [...]

There they are, the dribbling hordes. Shambling and shuffling and moaning and groaning... Bits falling off and hungry for braaaaaiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnsssssssssss. The zombie business horde.  All looking the same. All sounding the same. Just like all those extras in The Walking Dead. Maybe with less gore. And then there's you: riding in on a motorcycle, crossbow [...]

Got at least one eye? You’ll do

Things I have never done #3,815: been on a train while it's being overtaken. Bit of an odd experience, that. You're trundling along at many miles per hour, writing away, glancing out at the scenery every so often -- when one of those fast Virgin drunken leaning things starts catching up with you. I didn't [...]

Blatant gin-soaked sales pitch

Pull up a gin and take a pew. Yes, I know it's before 5pm, but it's Friday... And it's the last day of March. Which means it's April tomorrow. A full quarter of the way through the year. Time was, I'd be wringing my hands and screeching what the fuck happened how can it be [...]

A ripple travelled over the buttcheek like a tsunami across a bay. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!  When did that happen? When did my smashing size 10 butt become flabby and -- dare I whisper it? -- droopy? "When you decided to eat all the cheese and not bother going running!" snarked the mean but honest little voice in [...]

The stinking circle-jerk of doom

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! OH YESSSSSSSS!" Behold the sound of a bazillion wannabes having a little moment over the latest guru pronouncements on InstaBookApp.  They stare, transfixed, at a copied-and-pasted quote lovingly overlaid on a pretty background and get a little hit of happiness. It feels just like doing something. Plus, they've killed another five minutes not actually [...]

Last night's dirty dishes have never looked so attractive. Admit it: you want to get in there with them and roll around, you minx. Anything rather than start the thing you're supposed to be doing, right? I hear ya. And guess what? It's not doing the work that's hard. It's starting the work. There are [...]

Grumpy bitch + internet herpes = rage

"Just because you are unique does not mean you are useful." "Failure: when your best just isn't good enough." "Believe in yourself, because the rest of us think you're an idiot." Sorrynotsorry. These demotivational quotes make me snort with unladylike laughter every time I read them, because they're about as useful as those wanky memes [...]