Expert

Newsflash: your brain hates you

Do you ever have those dreams where you're running through really thick air? Like treacle?  For me, it's usually when I have to save someone or run away from something. It's like running through custard. It's carrot-gratingly, epically frustrating, right? And that's just in your head while you sleep. How much more frustrating is it [...]

"Take that frown and turn it upside down!" Said with manic Stepford-Wives glassy smile and empty eyes.  Just another meaningless platitude from people who can't cope with the real world. Well, here's my antidote to that: keep your frown and use it to power yourself to success. In a world filled with fake positivity and [...]

One of my Superheroes asked for book recommendations the other day. She's been working her way through the marketing masters, and is nearly at the end of Dan Kennedy's 35,296 (bloody excellent and readable) books.  She wants to know who to read next. Good question, and I have a bunch of suggestions for her -- [...]

Kick Sunday night dread in the fork

Psssst. I'm gonna let you into a little secret. But you can't tell anyone, okay? I hate Mondays.  Yeah, yeah, I know -- the modern, "with-it", head-unfucked business owner and entrepreneur should love Mondays, right? That's what all the cool kids are saying: if you hate Mondays, you must have a shit business. Well, I [...]

Scared of political doo-doo? Read this

It's voting day today in the UK. We're having a General Election. There's a lot of fearmongering and bile-spewing from all sides -- and I'm not going to add to it today.  Today, I'm going to point out two things: Politics is important. Really fucking important. Health, education, social welfare, transport, infrastructure, science, culture, the [...]

The exploding spider marketing plan

There were exploded spiders all over the page. They were supposed to be hands. A page full of hands doing different hand gestures. But they looked like exploded spiders. Have you ever tried to draw feet? Or hands? Or both? It's trickier than it looks. You end up with thumbs on the wrong side, strangely [...]

Business flirts: don’t date me

If you're an All Or Nothing person, you need to read this. I'm that person. When you do crazy tricks 4m above the ground on a bar hanging from two ropes, you kinda have to be.   There's a move in trapeze called the millwheel. In essence, the trapeze bar becomes an axle or a [...]

Are you groping in the dark?

Picture this: it's 10pm, it's dark, and I'm up to my hands and knees in soil, groping in the dark with a headtorch. And trying not to knock over my beer. Actually, you don't have to picture it -- look at this: That's me, planting all my lovely new vegetables, by the light of my [...]

Screaming sweet nothings into your ears

"You are not The One." Not special. Not magical.   Remember when the Oracle told Neo he wasn't The One in The Matrix? How crushed he was? Then remember how Neo went on to beat the machines in round 1? The Oracle didn't tell Neo what he wanted to hear. She wasn't whispering sweet nothings [...]

Get your butt out of my face

I like big butts and I cannot lie! Not yours, though.  No offence, like. It's just big buts have no place in your business or your vocabulary. Because ohmygod is there anything more annoying than the words "Yes, but..." Don't answer that. It's a rhetorical question. When it comes to business and marketing, take it [...]