Inside every goat is an octopus pulling levers. Goats are landing craft for octopodes. Just look at their eyes: goats and octopodes have the same eyes.  An octopus is a smart mollusc... it can reason, it can open jars, it can solve puzzles... it's entirely possible it could control a goat from the inside. And, [...]

Pricing elephant eats hairdresser alive

"Oh my god I've spent my whole career apologising for charging clients!!! Yes I need help. X" Well, it's not so bad. I'm one of those people who apologises to tables and mannequins for bumping into them.  And, being British, I also apologise when someone does something to me. Like stands on my foot, or [...]

The bad marketing boob job

One nipple pointing north, one nipple pointing south -- this boob job hadn't turned out at all the way she wanted it to. It was supposed to solve all her problems: self-esteem, lack of a decent boyfriend, finding a good job, looking great in a bikini...  But instead, all she was left with was a [...]

The secret pelvic floor marketing plan

SSSSHHHHHH. Mustn’t talk about that. It’s just a woman of a certain age’s shameful little secret.   That silent dread after she’s sneezed… will there be a little wet patch on the seat? On her jeans? WILL EVERYONE SEE? But sssshhhhhhhhhhhh. It’s just a part of getting older. Just one of those things we’ll all [...]

I like big butts and I cannot lie! Not yours, though.  No offence, like. It's just big buts have no place in your business or your vocabulary. Because ohmygod is there anything more annoying than the words "Yes, but..." Don't answer that. It's a rhetorical question. When it comes to business and marketing, take it [...]

She loved me and left me

Never put out on the first date, that’s the advice. Keep ‘em wanting more and they’ll stick around. Only, I DO put out.  Metaphorically speaking, of course. New Superheroes get an awesome package to kick-start them into action, then access to every critique and teleclass I've ever done. Occasionally, this value-habit of mine bites me [...]

Fitness instructors: size 8? Ripped? Model bodies and perfect lycra-clad buttcheeks? Bollocks to that. If you're 50lb overweight, is that really what you want to see? A perfect specimen of fitness model harrassing you while you know your back fat is squeezing out from under your bra and desperately trying to escape? Nah. What you [...]

Sobbing into a giant gin and tonic

I'm sitting here sobbing right now. This was going to be an entirely different email, then I read a message from my friend Dom. Dom is one of my Superheroes and we met for the first time this week.  I'm sharing this because you need to know something really fucking important: You make a positive difference [...]

*flap flap flap flap flap* "Hmmmmm..." I thought, as I motored into town. "That's an odd noise." I had my suspicions, but chose to ignore them.  *30 minutes later* DAMMIT! How the weasling hell did THAT happen? AGAIN? My tyre was flatter than a very flat thing indeed. In fact, there was 6psi in it. [...]

Are you brave enough to strip yourself bare in front of your customers, clients, peers, and coaches? I'm not talking about actually getting nekkid (although don't let me stop you -- just don't get arrested).  One of my Superheroes has made a pretty bloody good start. I'm stepping up their training and pushing them out [...]

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