"Now. I want it now now now NOW!" WTF? Are you a toddler?  Toddlers have no impulse control. Donald Trump has no impulse control. But you and me? We should be able to exercise a little patience... The modern world is awesome, but it has a lot to answer for. Immediate information is great... but [...]

How to escape the business battery farm

The heaving writhing mass of feathers and beaks gradually became individual chickens. Like one of those magic eye pictures. It was enough to make your heart hurt: the poultry industry is a trade in misery.  Pack as many in as possible, so they can barely move. Never see the sunshine. Never see the sky. Just [...]

Do you put people to sleep? Or do you tickle their pickle? What do you say when people ask what you do for a living?   Do you say, "I'm a builder and I'm passionate about bricks and I build big houses and" ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz. Or do you say something that makes people go, “Ooh tell [...]

Business suicide squad destroys sales

Supervillains. Superheroes. Splosions. What's not to like? Well, Suicide Squad, that's what.   Didn't even get to the end of it last night, and it's rare I leave a film unfinished (easily pleased, me)... and a little pissed off that my hopes were dashed. See, I love comic book films. I spend a fair amount [...]

Lubing up your word funnel

People all over the world are choking. Choking on lumpy messages that actively get in the way of them buying. And it's a crying shame. I see emails that are filled with long words and longer sentences, so you're asleep before the climax. Sales pages that read like a drunken spider's staggered across a school [...]

A recipe for a relationship train wreck

"OH MY GOD I SWEAR SHE'S JUST A FRIEND! I'VE KNOWN HER FOR YEARS!" The big beardy dude I was sitting opposite looked up at the same time as me, and we stared at each other for a moment, then snorted with laughter.  This was very entertaining. First class carriage on the Virgin train to [...]

Got at least one eye? You’ll do

Things I have never done #3,815: been on a train while it's being overtaken. Bit of an odd experience, that. You're trundling along at many miles per hour, writing away, glancing out at the scenery every so often -- when one of those fast Virgin drunken leaning things starts catching up with you. I didn't [...]

Squeeze my stress balls [new podcast]

I first realised I had a little problem when I floated out of my body and watched myself screeching at my computer mouse. Because that's not normal behaviour.  You know how sometimes you can be going off on one, and one part of you seems to be watching from somewhere else and rolling its eyes [...]

A mysterious package. What could it be? Addressed to: Vicky Clown face Fraser.  With no clues as to sender. It's obviously from someone who knows me well... because inside my mysterious package is a halloumi-making kit and frankly that's brilliant. This isn't a completely random gift, mind. It's my birthday today. So somebody has sent [...]

The secret pelvic floor marketing plan

SSSSHHHHHH. Mustn’t talk about that. It’s just a woman of a certain age’s shameful little secret.   That silent dread after she’s sneezed… will there be a little wet patch on the seat? On her jeans? WILL EVERYONE SEE? But sssshhhhhhhhhhhh. It’s just a part of getting older. Just one of those things we’ll all [...]